Stale bread
by fruitcry
Summary: Levi was an emotionless bastard. He was cold, uncaring, and insensitive. He also cried himself to sleep every night.


**_Foreword: _**

_Oh dread, this is my first fanfiction... I know it's not gold, but I really hope you enjoy it!~_

I DO NOT OWN ATTACK ON TITAN, I SIMPLY ADORE THE CHARACTERS

* * *

Levi was an emotionless bastard. He was cold, uncaring, and insensitive. He also cried himself to sleep every night.

See, Levi wasn't really the stoic, poker-faced hero everyone saw him as. The blunt cruelty people were used to was a mask, his way of coping with that burning feeling of emptiness that to festered inside him. He had to keep people away from him, his cruel font being the only method to do so.  
If someone got close to him, they would probably die or leave him behind. He had to protect himself from getting hurt.  
But...

He felt so lonely. So hated.  
He couldn't remember the last time he'd received a hug, or the last time he heard "I love you."  
People were terrified of him. He was surrounded by so many admirers, yet he knew they only feared him. They didn't look up to him for his personality or his person. No, it was because he knew how to handle a weapon. Without that skill he would've never seen the light of day, he would've died along side the filth and vermin he was raised in. He wasn't special. No one loved him.

He'd lay in bed at night and empty his tears into his pillow, his room filled with only his whimpers and the sounds of crickets outside. He blocked out all sources of light in an attempt to separate himself from the rotten world he lived it. Unfortunately he had to sleep, and when he slept he had to wake up. Every morning, every day leading to the same events that tore his heart up.  
He could never escape the hell that surrounded him.  
So he savored every night, pouring out his heart to the only thing he had; nothing.  
The isolation was an addiction he would never give up, the only high he had, with it he could be himself and it would only be him, no one else to give him false praise or lip service.

Though he wasn't truly alone- misery would never leave his side.

One particular day completely shattered his facade. He had lost twenty men, all of them gone because of HIS plan. God, he was so sure it would work... Everyone believed him, had faith in whatever their beloved captain had to say. When it backfired, and the dust had settled, they reassured him, saying "We're so sorry, we didn't do as you said" and "Sir, please forgive us." Levi always responded with a curt nod, inwardly drowning in his guilt.

As soon as he arrived back from the mission he excused himself to his room, giving the excuse that he had to clean. The ones closest to him had nodded and retuned to the paperwork they were busied with. Of course they didn't care about his odd behavior, what did he expect? When the door closed behind him he didn't even make it to his bed. He had collapsed, his back slumping against the wall beside the door as he buried his face in his hands, gritting his teeth and hissing as hot tears poured out his eyes.  
If the soldiers saw him like this, saw him for the weakling he was, they'd be shocked. After all, no one would expect the emotionless Levi Ackerman to actually have feelings. The self loathing was a common ritual during his private sessions, something that went hand in hand with his mental process.  
"My fault..." He would murmur over and over, like some kind of a mantra that never seemed to end. "Damn it all..." He raked his hands through his short hair, clawing at his scalp when his tremors of sorrow increased into sobs. He'd clench and grind his jaw, forcing himself to drive away the oncoming flashes of psychosis. His thoughts tore through his brain, bouncing around in his skull and pushing out any shimmer of positivity, only increasing the volume of his wails. Shit, maybe today he would finally lose his mind. At least without his sanity he could truly be free from all the pain...

"Leviiiiiii!~"  
No. No. Not now... Levi tried to force his episode to an end, to pick up his regular attitude and glare, but he couldn't. He couldn't stop himself from crying, he couldn't stop the pounding in his head.  
"Hange... Go... Away..." Was all he could muster, the usually threatening tone in his voice had faded into a soft order, wavering on the verge of a whimper.  
"Ehhh?! Levi didn't say 'get the hell away from my room you shitty four-eyes!' What?! Oho are you in the middle of a steamy cleaning session?" She teased, obviously oblivious to what was going on. Through the wood of the door, most sounds were muffled, so he wasn't surprised when she couldn't hear his returning sobs.  
Hange cackled wickedly. "Bwahaha, I bet you're scrubbing the floor with all your might! EXPEL THOSE DIRT DEMONS, haha! Lemmie give you a hand, I'm so boreeeed." She jiggled the knob, knowing it would be locked. She just wanted to joke around with her superior; he acted so prudish, but she knew he enjoyed her antics. Every now and then she'd notice the ghost of a smile appearing on his lips, leaving just as soon as it sprouted. His smile was her favorite thing in the world, it warmed her to the bone. Levi was probably more important to her than science... And that was saying a hell of a lot. That's why when she actually entered the room, surprised to see that it wasn't locked, her heart shattered into a million pieces when she saw her beloved corporal- or at least the broken form of him. At first she couldn't find him anywhere, due to the dim lighting provided by a weak candle light, but when her eyes finally found him she wish she had seen him cleaning as usual. A frustrated scowl on his face, not that heartbreaking one.  
"Levi..." A look of sorrow replaced her happy-go-lucky grin as she gently shut the door behind her and kneeled in front of the trembling man. No wonder he didn't bark at her like normal...

"G-go away..." He repeated, looking up at her with tear soaked eyes, the intense silver replaced by a dull grey. With a soft sob, he buried his face back in his hands as he did his best to hide himself from her. He should've locked the damn door... Though he honestly didn't expect anyone to give a shit about what he was doing...  
It had to be Hange.  
Without thinking the woman grabbed Levi's head in both her hands and tugged his face up until he met her concerned stare. He didn't fight or resist, he didn't shove her away like he normally would.  
That only increased her tremendous amount of worry.  
Levi didn't know how to react, he simply watched her, praying she didn't laugh at him. He knew she was disappointed, amused even. She had to be...  
He was a bit shocked when she leaned forward, pressing their foreheads together gently as she whispered comforting phrases.

"It's okay... Shh..."  
She pulled back a bit when his whimpering had quieted down and wiped the man's tears away with her thumbs.  
"You know, I'm glad I'm seeing this... I'm glad you're able to cry... God, I get so worried... I was afraid you kept everything in... I know you get upset, and I... Oh god I'm so happy..."  
Levi sat it silence, until he yanked himself away from her tender grasp. "No... You're sickened by me now. You've lost all respect for me. I'm a piss poor excuse for a captain, let alone the savior of humanity... I-" He quit his monologue when he saw her smile grow into a blissful grin. Yes, the worry was still apparent in her eyes, but she looked so happy. So genuine.  
"Levi, you're human. You're human!" She threw her hands up, making Levi furrow his brows. "Humans cry. We can't hold things in forever! Ugh! You're such a good person. You may not realize that, but you show it in your actions!"  
He snorted. "What, with my wonderful personality? Damn it Hange I'm a fucking disgrace! A stone faced, uncaring bastard! No better than the dirt on this floor!" The other chuckled at that remark. She actually found it kind of funny how he was on the floor, given his religion of cleanliness.  
"Shush now. Levi, have you seen how the little kids look up to you? They draw pictures of you and graffiti their poor teacher's walls!" She grinned. "They wouldn't like you if you were a 'stone faced, uncaring bastard'. Children have a habit of picking up on people's true colors. They see the compassion and empathy you have. They can see how truly kind you are." She paused, but not long enough for him to give a defiant response.  
"You have so many feelings that you feel like you have to hide. Doesn't that get tiring?!"

Levi didn't reply, only stared down at his arms, which were now hugging his chest. It got so tiring... He was exhausted with every passing hour, having to shove down his feelings just to keep himself distant. He nodded once, refusing to look up at her.  
"You had to grow up way too fast... You didn't get to experience life the way most kids did. That pains me. It pains me to know you didn't get to enjoy childhood- you never got to have that childish sense of wonder and freedom... It's not fair... You had to keep people away from you, just so you could stay alive. Your mother, she died when you were eight. You had to take care of yourself, all alone..." At that he whipped his head up to face her. "How the hell do-"

"I conducted a hypnotism experiment on you one day after you fell asleep in the study!" He wanted to punch her for that, but instead sent her a chilling glare.  
Hange smiled. There he was.  
"I did it because I care about you."  
Angry thoughts blossomed in his mind as tears prickled back into his eyes. "Why? Why me? Why would you care about me?"  
She rolled her eyes, quite irritated by his pity party.  
"When I first met you, I was struck by your ability to stay so calm... So focused. I watched you closely and after time I was certain you didn't have ANY feelings... Until I saw you give bread to a homeless child. It was out on one of our missions... The look of love in your eyes as she ate that roll... It was so sweet to me. You felt so sorry for her. It was written all over your face."  
"It was stale. The bread. It wasn't like I was giving up anything." He said suddenly, trying his best to contradict the kindness offered to him. He didn't want to believe it. He couldn't let her get this close to him. It was all lies, she just wanted his respect. Those foul thoughts replayed over and over in his head, but he knew they weren't right. What he experienced now was... Something warm enough to dry the remorse he felt so powerfully.  
"Levi, we only have stale bread. I happened to notice you have her your only piece. If that's what you call being a bastard, I think you need to be re-educated... You and I both know you're the smartest one here, so don't you dare think any different." She stuck her hand out, placing it beside his head and on the wall behind him as she leaned in close, their noses inches apart.

"You've been the object of my obsessions for years now. Do you really think I'd waste so much precious time on some regular asshole? You've got me to where I can't think without you popping up in my head, I can't even focus on titans because of you!" Hange sighed dramatically and sat back on her heels, eyes level with Levi's as he searched for any sign that she was messing with him... But Hange was a very determined and honest woman, he knew what she said would always be true. Plus she sucked at lying.  
"Was that a love confession, four- eyes?" He asked, eyes narrowed.  
She blinked a few times, quite embarrassed as she rubbed the back of her neck.  
"Well... Yeah..." She grinned brightly. "I'm in love with you, Levi Ackerman. I love you for you. Your kindness and compassion, your mercy and your humanity... Plus, you're the hottest guy I've ever met." Her grin when toothy with the last statement, a blush darkened her cheeks as she chuckled nervously.  
"I love you." She states, face serious.

Had she just spilled her guts out to the guy that could have her executed? Yeah.  
Did she regret it? No. Levi was her world, he deserved to know how much he meant to her. She expected him to yell at her, or to lecture her on how much he detested love, but when he actually smiled- a wide and gentle smile that took up his whole face, her insides melted. Tears of happiness streamed down his now flushed cheeks, his eyes filled with joy. He felt so happy. When was the last time he felt this way? Had he ever felt this way? No... This was new to the man. He knew this because the smile on his face felt odd and out of place, but he couldn't fight it, nor did he want to.  
"I... I-I..." He wiped away his tears with a grunt. "I love you too, shitty four-eyes." She suddenly lunged forward, wrapping her arms around his waist and hugging him into her. She sat back and pulled him into her lap, rubbing her face against his broad chest.

Levi's first instinct was to fight back, to push away the contact because all he had ever experienced was pain when it came to touch. Never once could he imagine he could feel safe in someone's arms.

He relaxed, hugging her neck, resting his head on top of hers. No titan could make him afraid at that moment. He could face anything.  
They sat together like that for the rest of the night, Hange comforting her corporal as he cried in her arms. He finally, after 34 years of putting up walls, casting false glares, and fighting off affection, FINALLY allowed someone in. Hange was the first, and the last person he knew he'd ever love. He could never find anyone who understood him more than she could.

End


End file.
